(no subject)

[azdesertrose]

Well, I didn't listen to the Klonopin. I just spent three days in hospital instead of overdosing.

This hospital was MUCH nicer than the last one I was in; I was allowed to have my own clothes and no one threw anything at me. Visiting hours were much more frequent and unrestricted. The only thing I would have preferred to be different is that I wish they would let you smoke. (I know, I know, I shouldn't smoke, it's bad for me.)

I'm glad to be home though, and I think I'm starting to feel better. Everyone around me says I'm starting to behave like my old self again.

I think I'm really sensitive to changes in my medication. The last time I was suicidal, we had just changed me from Prozac to Celexa. This time, we raised my Klonopin from .5mg to 1mg and my Abilify from 20mg to 30mg, and everything went nutso for a few days.

Things seem to be calming down now, and I seem to be on a more even keel. Thank goodness. Maybe I'll actually stabilise some time soon and be able to work again or go back to school or something.

Comments

[acfernandez.livejournal.com]

don't die. okay? i don't know how to say it, but it get's better. it really does. it takes a lot of time, and a lot of work, and a lot of patience, but it get's better. i know. i've been there.

[desertrosedark.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the good wishes.

If you don't mind my asking, who are you?

[acfernandez.livejournal.com]

My name is Angeli, but I go by AC Fernandez, which is the rest of my name, including my middle initial. I am not necessarily anonymous on my LJ page. I am 40 years old, female, and someone who experienced much of what you wrote on your profile page also. My profile is accurate and honest. What I write in my journal is the same. I have days that are good, and days that are dark, sometimes so much so I feel they will not pass, but they do, they always do.

I live in Texas. I moved here a year ago after a breakdown related to PTSD caused by trauma experienced in my childhood and adolescent years. I began my journey into healing a couple of years ago, and initially, it was immensely painful, but it has progressed into a different phase where I am changing, learning, and becoming. It takes time.

As I said it is not always easy. It is sometimes very difficult and sometimes it seems I put pressures on myself and my recovery I do not deserve as I wish to get better so quickly, I wish the pain to go away RIGHT NOW. Patience with the process is something I lack, but I am slowly learning it is one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time as with many things.

That is a little about who I am.

Thank you for responding, and I hope you are feeling a little bit better after your last attempt. I know the body takes time to recover, as do the emotions and the mind.

Angeli

[desertrosedark.livejournal.com]

Okay.

I just get a little paranoid when random people comment in my journal. *grin*

Do you mind if I friend you?

[ultimaverizon.livejournal.com]

Hey!

Im glad to hear your getting back to some state of okay, and hoping you continue to keep on improving...

Rich

[desertrosedark.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[browncoatrebel.livejournal.com]

(((((Hugs)))))

I'm glad you got help instead of OD'ing. I'd miss you.

Take good care of yourself. I know how hard it can be, and I'm around if you ever need to talk.

[desertrosedark.livejournal.com]

That's good to hear. Thanks.

*hugs* to you too