Many Years of Poems

...how aggravating it can be to get into an education program. I've been trying to enroll at FSCJ (formerly FCCJ) to train for medical billing/coding, which I can do from home and not have to worry about getting up at a certain time every single weekday and being somewhere to work.

I spent two hours up there talking to various people only to find out that the person I really need to talk to left at 3pm today. Grrr.

I hate my air conditioner. It freezes up on us all the fricken time and it gets damn hot in here.

We have an appointment to go look at an apartment that will be about $50 less a month than this place is. Every little bit helps, I guess. The appointment is on Saturday at 1pm.

That's the best I can do, to find a place that is decent, accepts pets, and has washer/dryer connections.

I wish I could find something nice for cheaper but it just doesn't look like it's going to happen.

I'm craving a cig so bad right now I could tear my skin off. I hate that I couldn't buy smokes. This sucks.

I think I'm going to go see if a certain neighbor is home from work and will let me bum one.

I wish I could tattoo "GO THE FUCK AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" across my forehead so Nancy wouldn't bother me with stupid shit. She has to pester me about absolutely every fucking thing and I'm sick of it. I'm going to kill her tomorrow when I don't have any cigarettes to smoke to calm myself down.

And Dixie keeps sneezing and bitching about it.

SHUT THE FUCK UP, GO THE FUCK AWAY, & LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

I am upset and stressed and I do not want to deal with anybody today!!!

All of a sudden my entire stomach hurts. It's like a cramp but it burns and it's all over, from the bottom of my ribcage to my hips.

I'm going to go lie down and see if I feel better later.

This hurts like a motherfucker.

Something is causing my feet to swell.

I thought it was the Cymbalta because it started around the time I started the Cymbalta but I've been off the Cymbalta for about 3 weeks now and my feet still balloon up every day and the swelling goes away overnight when I put my feet up in bed.

I'm tired of having swollen feet.

In other news, I talked to Cliff about our plans for the future. He wants to go to culinary school and open a restaurant with Beau as the chef and Cliff as the manager. But Cliff feels he should go to school before he does this. We started looking into culinary schools and DAMN they're expensive. I got my entire bachelor's degree for less than it costs for a year of culinary school.

I convinced him to let me go to stenotype school first and start working as a closed captioner like I want before we move so he can go to culinary school. He's supported me all this time; if I can get stable and go back to school and start working as a closed captioner, we can afford for him to quit working and go to school. Closed captioners make $60-75k a year, which is more than what we're living on now, so that should be okay. He was cool with it. He said it made sense to let me do my two-year program and get started and then have him quit working and go back to school.

Now if we can just get his family OUT of our house!!!!!

I've got three chat programs open and I'm bored. I don't want to play a game, I'm not hungry (just ate some chips and homemade salsa), I don't want to read.

I'm just bored.

Well, I found out what got miscommunicated with my meds. My doctor called in the 40 mg dosage and only the 10 and 20 mg dosages are on the $4 list, so I need her to call me in a script to take 2 20mg tablets a day and that will be $8 instead of $59.

If only I could get hold of her. The answering service won't pass my message on because it's not an emergency. It will be an emergency if I run out of meds and go into withdrawals because then I'll be a complete mess, worse than usual.

The weather here matches my mood; it's storming to beat the band. I'd like to storm and rage and be angry but all I can do is write because everybody would get all upset if I got upset.

My left knee still hurts, and now I feel like I've pulled the muscle in my left thigh and my left hip has started aching too.

Also, my carpal tunnel syndrome is acting up in my right hand, so I've got nerve pain shooting up my right arm.

This sucks.

I doped myself up with Lortab and Klonopin and slept for a while but the drugs wore off and now I hurt too much to sleep.

I asked Dixie to go pick up Cliff from work (in about 2 hours) and when he gets home, if he's still got some Lortab I'm going to take a couple of those and some more Klonopin and try to get some more sleep, because I'm tired but it's hard to sleep when you hurt.

SHUT UP!!!!!!!

I let Nancy have her friend Rebecca over to spend the night. As I have previously mentioned, Nancy's taste in friends is not fabulous by my standards. The main problem with Rebecca, now that her younger cousin has quit transmitting lice to us, is that, like Nancy, she NEVER SHUTS UP. The only time I'm getting any quiet is when they're asleep or out of the house.

They just came back from a dip in the pool because they were hungry for lunch. Peachy-fucking-keen, but lunch does not require a constant stream of conversation. Dixie is perfectly capable of fixing herself some lunch without talking. So is Cliff. So am I.

So why the hell can't Nancy do anything without constantly running her fucking mouth? GRRRRRR!!!!