Trapped

Apr. 9th, 2006 12:57 am
azdesertrose: (Default)
[personal profile] azdesertrose
The Wellbutrin is working well enough that I can't sleep. My heart keeps racing every time I try. I can't sleep.

And it's not working well enough to make the thoughts go away. I still feel worthless, useless, and any other negative adjective you care to apply. I still believe that there's no way out. I will never be okay. I'm just too broken to ever be okay. Nothing I've ever done has gotten me out for long; I always fall back to this place, and I'm tired.

If I had enough money for a motel room, I'd have already left the house and gone to take my pills. But I can't let my family find me.

I can't ever let them know how bad it is; they don't believe me, or they think I'm being melodramatic and they're tired of trying to help me anyway, because I can't be helped. There's no way out.

I can't ever let my daughter see me like this; she can never EVER know what I am, how damaged and disturbed I am. There's no way out.

I was broken too long ago to be fixed; it's just too late for me.

If I can make it until Friday, I should be able to have enough money to mail away the things I don't want my family to find. I can't fight any more. I just can't.

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azdesertrose

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