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Bizarre dream, maybe a nightmare.
Aug. 25th, 2008 12:10 pmYou might want to skip this one if you're easily triggered. TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual and physical abuse, odd racial issues, police abuse, mental illness.
I had this extremely bizarre dream that I just woke up from. I dreamt of my brothers, but in real life, I have three brothers; in the dream there were seven of them. And for some bizarre reason, we were all dark skinned; IRL, we all have fair, freckled Irish complexions. We didn't have African-type facial features or hair, just dark skin.
In the dream, my father was sexually abusing all of us, and he had a police officer friend in on it, and the officer told us kids that no one would believe us against him. To my knowledge, my brothers suffered physical abuse from our father, but not sexual abuse. I caught a few knocks from my dad, but most of the abuse from him was sexual. He never beat the hell out of me, and according to my oldest brother, he used to beat the hell out of my brothers on a semi-regular basis when they were kids.
I've had dreams before that my father "shared" me with his friends, except that he didn't really seem to have a lot of friends.
In this dream, for some odd reason, it was the late 1970s, when I was very young (I was born in 1976). But I still had my long hair, and I didn't have long hair IRL when I was little. (Nowadays, I can just barely sit on it.)
But I hit my father in the face with my braids, not caring that I would also hit myself with my hair, and somebody asked in a very Southern voice, "Who done messed with that baby?" ("that baby" being me)
My mother was in the dream too, and she was scared and trying to find something to hold on to, and had briefly gotten very religious.
There was a man who looked a bit like my uncle (mom's brother), whom I addressed as "Papa Lawson." No clue who he was. He was advising my brothers on career choices and taking care of my poor confused scared mom.
I'm so confused. I'm trying to figure out if I'm actually remembering something new, or if my brain is just scrambled. I have schizoaffective disorder, so I do have hallucinations and do lose touch with reality from time to time, so it doesn't make this any easier. Is this just some bizarre concoction of my mind, or did my father really share me with a police officer friend to scare me out of telling on him?
I had this extremely bizarre dream that I just woke up from. I dreamt of my brothers, but in real life, I have three brothers; in the dream there were seven of them. And for some bizarre reason, we were all dark skinned; IRL, we all have fair, freckled Irish complexions. We didn't have African-type facial features or hair, just dark skin.
In the dream, my father was sexually abusing all of us, and he had a police officer friend in on it, and the officer told us kids that no one would believe us against him. To my knowledge, my brothers suffered physical abuse from our father, but not sexual abuse. I caught a few knocks from my dad, but most of the abuse from him was sexual. He never beat the hell out of me, and according to my oldest brother, he used to beat the hell out of my brothers on a semi-regular basis when they were kids.
I've had dreams before that my father "shared" me with his friends, except that he didn't really seem to have a lot of friends.
In this dream, for some odd reason, it was the late 1970s, when I was very young (I was born in 1976). But I still had my long hair, and I didn't have long hair IRL when I was little. (Nowadays, I can just barely sit on it.)
But I hit my father in the face with my braids, not caring that I would also hit myself with my hair, and somebody asked in a very Southern voice, "Who done messed with that baby?" ("that baby" being me)
My mother was in the dream too, and she was scared and trying to find something to hold on to, and had briefly gotten very religious.
There was a man who looked a bit like my uncle (mom's brother), whom I addressed as "Papa Lawson." No clue who he was. He was advising my brothers on career choices and taking care of my poor confused scared mom.
I'm so confused. I'm trying to figure out if I'm actually remembering something new, or if my brain is just scrambled. I have schizoaffective disorder, so I do have hallucinations and do lose touch with reality from time to time, so it doesn't make this any easier. Is this just some bizarre concoction of my mind, or did my father really share me with a police officer friend to scare me out of telling on him?
