After the ritual
Dec. 1st, 2008 01:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azdesertroseIt feels weird not to think of my father any more. It's nice, don't get me wrong. It just feels strange.
It feels free, and it's strange and almost scary to feel free.
I've just got a lot going on mentally right now that I can't really put into words.
ETA: Nicholas says that I should do more magic, that I seem much calmer after my ritual and, that while I don't have to do anything quite that major all the time, he'd like to see me engaging my spiritual side more.
Part of the reason I don't is Dixie and Nancy. They're both Christians and not particularly comfortable with Cliff's and my pagan faiths. Cliff was raised Baptist and I was raised Methodist, so we've both rejected Christianity, and I think deep in her heart, Dixie believes we're both going to Hell. I'm not sure what Nancy thinks. I've heard her discuss religion with her friend Jon, who is a devout Catholic (yikes!), but she's never spoken to me (or Cliff in my range of hearing) about it. They'd flip if they knew I own a Tarot deck (which is the only Tarot deck Cliff will touch; he says it talks to him because I don't play with it enough) or that Cliff uses runestones to cast. The divination articles stay in our room, and we don't have an altar in our home at this time because they would be so uncomfortable with such open pagan-ness. (Nicholas is also pagan, BTW, although all three of us follow different paths. I'm a straight-up eclectic, there's no other word for it, Cliff is kind of a semi-eclectic Asatru-Wicca cross, and Nicholas follows thelema.)
Cliff had never done any public ritual work until he helped me with my ritual, although he consults his goddess, Freya, on a regular basis. He wears a fair-sized pentagram (although he left it on his nightstand today) for which he has taken some flak at work, because his bosses are devout Baptists. Somebody asked him if he was a devil-worshiper. (How ignorant?!!?)
My banishing/healing ritual was actually only the second public ritual I've worked. The first was Jen and Rip's handfasting, and I really just went through the motions at that one because I didn't quite know what I was doing. I just said what I was told to say; the priestess said later that she called the quarter for me because she knew I felt lost, so at least my ignorance at the time didn't mess up the ceremony. I'd have felt bad if I thought I'd messed up their ceremony.
For my ritual, I looked up a basic ritual framework and then customized it (quite a bit, in fact) to meet my specific needs and beliefs. It worked, as slapdash and short-notice as it was.
I wish we could have an altar here in the house, or a permanent circle in the yard or something like that. We don't really have enough yard for the circle. I'm actually more comfortable with having a circle in the yard, because I prefer to work outdoors, barefoot, and skyclad if at all possible. But no yard to speak of means no space for the circle and no fence so we could hang out nakie. :)
It's becoming increasingly clear since Nicholas came to stay that we need either a bigger place or Nancy and Dixie to get the hell out of our house, preferably both.
I need to start meditating again, probably over my Tarot deck some too. It is keyed to me, and it does read well for me. I keep it wrapped in purple silk, and I spread out the purple silk cloth to read on. It actually never touches anything but the silk and my hands, except the one time Cliff asked me to read for him and he handled it. Other than that, it has literally never been touched by anything but its original packaging, the bag it came with (until I accidentally ripped the bag and haven't sewn it back together), the silk, and my hands. I'm very picky about who touches my deck. Rip won't handle anybody's deck but his own because he says he messes up Tarot decks.
I don't think I have a point any more. I'm just rambling, so I guess I'll shut up.
It feels free, and it's strange and almost scary to feel free.
I've just got a lot going on mentally right now that I can't really put into words.
ETA: Nicholas says that I should do more magic, that I seem much calmer after my ritual and, that while I don't have to do anything quite that major all the time, he'd like to see me engaging my spiritual side more.
Part of the reason I don't is Dixie and Nancy. They're both Christians and not particularly comfortable with Cliff's and my pagan faiths. Cliff was raised Baptist and I was raised Methodist, so we've both rejected Christianity, and I think deep in her heart, Dixie believes we're both going to Hell. I'm not sure what Nancy thinks. I've heard her discuss religion with her friend Jon, who is a devout Catholic (yikes!), but she's never spoken to me (or Cliff in my range of hearing) about it. They'd flip if they knew I own a Tarot deck (which is the only Tarot deck Cliff will touch; he says it talks to him because I don't play with it enough) or that Cliff uses runestones to cast. The divination articles stay in our room, and we don't have an altar in our home at this time because they would be so uncomfortable with such open pagan-ness. (Nicholas is also pagan, BTW, although all three of us follow different paths. I'm a straight-up eclectic, there's no other word for it, Cliff is kind of a semi-eclectic Asatru-Wicca cross, and Nicholas follows thelema.)
Cliff had never done any public ritual work until he helped me with my ritual, although he consults his goddess, Freya, on a regular basis. He wears a fair-sized pentagram (although he left it on his nightstand today) for which he has taken some flak at work, because his bosses are devout Baptists. Somebody asked him if he was a devil-worshiper. (How ignorant?!!?)
My banishing/healing ritual was actually only the second public ritual I've worked. The first was Jen and Rip's handfasting, and I really just went through the motions at that one because I didn't quite know what I was doing. I just said what I was told to say; the priestess said later that she called the quarter for me because she knew I felt lost, so at least my ignorance at the time didn't mess up the ceremony. I'd have felt bad if I thought I'd messed up their ceremony.
For my ritual, I looked up a basic ritual framework and then customized it (quite a bit, in fact) to meet my specific needs and beliefs. It worked, as slapdash and short-notice as it was.
I wish we could have an altar here in the house, or a permanent circle in the yard or something like that. We don't really have enough yard for the circle. I'm actually more comfortable with having a circle in the yard, because I prefer to work outdoors, barefoot, and skyclad if at all possible. But no yard to speak of means no space for the circle and no fence so we could hang out nakie. :)
It's becoming increasingly clear since Nicholas came to stay that we need either a bigger place or Nancy and Dixie to get the hell out of our house, preferably both.
I need to start meditating again, probably over my Tarot deck some too. It is keyed to me, and it does read well for me. I keep it wrapped in purple silk, and I spread out the purple silk cloth to read on. It actually never touches anything but the silk and my hands, except the one time Cliff asked me to read for him and he handled it. Other than that, it has literally never been touched by anything but its original packaging, the bag it came with (until I accidentally ripped the bag and haven't sewn it back together), the silk, and my hands. I'm very picky about who touches my deck. Rip won't handle anybody's deck but his own because he says he messes up Tarot decks.
I don't think I have a point any more. I'm just rambling, so I guess I'll shut up.
