Twoo Wuv and Mawwage.
Nov. 15th, 2008 05:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azdesertroseOkay, so.
Cliff and I were originally supposed to get married next March. However, I ordered my engagement ring and he hasn't seen fit to give it to me, so I'm not sure that he still wants to get married.
I'm not sure I still want to get married. I'll lose my Medicaid if I get married. Nothing would change except we'd lose $100 a month, or thereabouts.
And now that Nicholas is with us, I'm not sure we should have a separate handfasting for Cliff and me, and then one later on with Nicholas, which is what I originally thought we'd do.
I just don't quite know what I'm doing, I guess.
I've thought about sending the engagement ring back and having a pearl put in place of the diamond, even though my little heart-shaped diamond is beautiful, just to have something that represents Nicholas too. (His birthday is in June, so his birthstone is pearl. The ring already has my and Cliff's birthstones in it.) That would also be a bit lopsided symbolically, because really, the garnet should be in the center (me), and the pearl and the emerald on the sides. Oh well. I don't know.
I just don't know. I'm confused and agitated today.
I did finally get to smoke a cigarette but I would like another one right now, just to calm me down.
Nicholas wants us to watch a movie together, but I'm not sure I can settle down enough to sit still through a movie.
Urgh.
Cliff and I were originally supposed to get married next March. However, I ordered my engagement ring and he hasn't seen fit to give it to me, so I'm not sure that he still wants to get married.
I'm not sure I still want to get married. I'll lose my Medicaid if I get married. Nothing would change except we'd lose $100 a month, or thereabouts.
And now that Nicholas is with us, I'm not sure we should have a separate handfasting for Cliff and me, and then one later on with Nicholas, which is what I originally thought we'd do.
I just don't quite know what I'm doing, I guess.
I've thought about sending the engagement ring back and having a pearl put in place of the diamond, even though my little heart-shaped diamond is beautiful, just to have something that represents Nicholas too. (His birthday is in June, so his birthstone is pearl. The ring already has my and Cliff's birthstones in it.) That would also be a bit lopsided symbolically, because really, the garnet should be in the center (me), and the pearl and the emerald on the sides. Oh well. I don't know.
I just don't know. I'm confused and agitated today.
I did finally get to smoke a cigarette but I would like another one right now, just to calm me down.
Nicholas wants us to watch a movie together, but I'm not sure I can settle down enough to sit still through a movie.
Urgh.
