Feeling not good enough
Jul. 30th, 2008 11:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azdesertroseI've been a mess all day because of letting myself run out of my Invega.
Cliff held me and comforted me and made love to me. Very slow, gentle, sweet love, like we haven't done in a while. (We're usually more into the wild crazy passionate sex.)
And I feel like I don't deserve it.
I feel like I'm not good enough to be loved like that.
I've been wanting to cut today too, feeling like I want pain and blood, and then he gives me gentle love. I feel unworthy.
I can't sleep. I keep crying. I can't relax.
I feel this terror that I can't name, and it won't let me relax enough to go to sleep even though I'm tired.
It just feels like the world is a horrible scary place right now and if I relax enough to go to sleep, bad things will come get me. It sounds crazy, and I guess I am.
Cliff held me and comforted me and made love to me. Very slow, gentle, sweet love, like we haven't done in a while. (We're usually more into the wild crazy passionate sex.)
And I feel like I don't deserve it.
I feel like I'm not good enough to be loved like that.
I've been wanting to cut today too, feeling like I want pain and blood, and then he gives me gentle love. I feel unworthy.
I can't sleep. I keep crying. I can't relax.
I feel this terror that I can't name, and it won't let me relax enough to go to sleep even though I'm tired.
It just feels like the world is a horrible scary place right now and if I relax enough to go to sleep, bad things will come get me. It sounds crazy, and I guess I am.
