Bleauch

[azdesertrose]

Not bleach. Bleauch.

I feel horrible. I'm having diarrhea and I don't want to move. I just want to curl up with my teddy bear and stare into space.

I don't want to think any more. Thinking just makes me feel worse. I just want to blank out my mind and stop existing.

The nice new bottle of Klonopin that's still in the pharmacy bag looks pretty good right now.

I'm so afraid I won't get the disability and we'll be stuck struggling like this forever. I'm tired of struggling. I don't want to do it any more.

Comments

[xxcelestaxx.livejournal.com]

Please don't give up! It just takes time for SSI to kick in. And I know that it is hard. I've been living that way for a long time now (though yes I know that I am younger then you, I've still not really had it easy since I've started receiving SSI.) It sucks, SO SO MUCH! But it passes. The struggles don't go completely away, but they ease up and get easier to deal with. (but this is with my experience.. i guess IDK...)
Please stay with us, and don't give up. I may not know you that well, but I consider you one of my Online Buddies who can relate with each of us.
-hugs-
feel free to talk to me if you want! I'm always around you just have to poke me or something.
-more hugs for the road-
~ashley

[desertrosedark.livejournal.com]

I've been curled up with my teddy bear and staring into space and I feel horrible. I just want all these bad scary feelings to stop.

I might end up going to the hospital if I don't feel better soon. We'll see.

Thanks for the support and the hugs.