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Jul. 7th, 2008 08:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azdesertroseI'm still sick of being a grown-up. I still want to color instead of doing grown-up things.
But in an odd way, being childish feels unsafe, I guess because I was abused as a child. I was always the good child, super-responsible for my age and stuff, and I don't really know how to be a child safely. My inner child doesn't know what to do, and I don't know what she wants except to not have to do adult things any more.
I want my teddy bear, so I snuggled it last night, but I woke up at 4:30am with a horrible charley horse in my right calf and couldn't get back to sleep after the damn muscle stopped cramping.
I'm sort of tired again, so I might go back to bed and try to sleep some more with my teddy bear and see if that's what she wants.
But in an odd way, being childish feels unsafe, I guess because I was abused as a child. I was always the good child, super-responsible for my age and stuff, and I don't really know how to be a child safely. My inner child doesn't know what to do, and I don't know what she wants except to not have to do adult things any more.
I want my teddy bear, so I snuggled it last night, but I woke up at 4:30am with a horrible charley horse in my right calf and couldn't get back to sleep after the damn muscle stopped cramping.
I'm sort of tired again, so I might go back to bed and try to sleep some more with my teddy bear and see if that's what she wants.
