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Mar. 24th, 2008 10:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azdesertroseI haven't slept worth a damn for the last two nights.
Today is the adoption hearing. Today I officially lose my baby to my parents. I already signed the papers consenting to the adoption, but part of me is still screaming, "She's my baby, you can't have her!" Mind you, my baby is fifteen years old and the adoption was her idea in case something ever happens to me.
I'm supposed to be at the hearing, and I should go because I need to ask my mom for a little bit of gas money; what I've got in the tank isn't going to make it until Friday, because I've got to pick up Cliff from work in the morning (mercifully not a long trip), go to the disability lawyer's office on the other freaking side of town to do some paperwork for my disability, and get Cliff to and from work on Thursday. If it weren't for the lawyer's office thing, I probably wouldn't need to bum gas money off my mom, but I've got to go do that paperwork; the sooner I get it done, the sooner I'll have my hearing and hopefully my disability payments.
I keep telling myself that the adoption is the best thing for her; she gets the legal security of being my parents' child rather than the limbo of being mine. And my parents have raised her more than I have; it's only fair that she should bear their name and not her father's.
But there's that part of me that wants to hold on to her and never let her go for any reason at all.
Sometimes the hardest thing about being a mother is knowing when to let your baby bird fly.
Today is the adoption hearing. Today I officially lose my baby to my parents. I already signed the papers consenting to the adoption, but part of me is still screaming, "She's my baby, you can't have her!" Mind you, my baby is fifteen years old and the adoption was her idea in case something ever happens to me.
I'm supposed to be at the hearing, and I should go because I need to ask my mom for a little bit of gas money; what I've got in the tank isn't going to make it until Friday, because I've got to pick up Cliff from work in the morning (mercifully not a long trip), go to the disability lawyer's office on the other freaking side of town to do some paperwork for my disability, and get Cliff to and from work on Thursday. If it weren't for the lawyer's office thing, I probably wouldn't need to bum gas money off my mom, but I've got to go do that paperwork; the sooner I get it done, the sooner I'll have my hearing and hopefully my disability payments.
I keep telling myself that the adoption is the best thing for her; she gets the legal security of being my parents' child rather than the limbo of being mine. And my parents have raised her more than I have; it's only fair that she should bear their name and not her father's.
But there's that part of me that wants to hold on to her and never let her go for any reason at all.
Sometimes the hardest thing about being a mother is knowing when to let your baby bird fly.
