(no subject)
Jul. 12th, 2006 05:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
I went to see my counselor today for the first time since before I fell and hurt my feet. I cancelled a couple of appointments because I have to climb stairs to get to her office, and I wanted to wait until I could move a bit better before attempting those stairs.
The hallucination episode happened right after the last time I saw her.
She asked me a hell of a question. She wanted to know what the facial expression was on my dad's face in the mirror.
That kind of took me a minute. I've been trying not to think about that whole episode as much as I can avoid so doing.
He was glaring at me.
I don't like thinking about this. It bothers me.
I've been having a pleasant little IM conversation with my friend in England; he can usually cheer me up, unless he's in one of his rare bad moods. He's in his usual fairly chipper mood, so I've been distracting myself with witty transAtlantic repartee.
I keep feeling afraid that people are angry with me for various reasons, usually ridiculous reasons if I examine them with the eye of logic. Paranoia, paranoia, everybody's coming to get me...
The hallucination episode happened right after the last time I saw her.
She asked me a hell of a question. She wanted to know what the facial expression was on my dad's face in the mirror.
That kind of took me a minute. I've been trying not to think about that whole episode as much as I can avoid so doing.
He was glaring at me.
I don't like thinking about this. It bothers me.
I've been having a pleasant little IM conversation with my friend in England; he can usually cheer me up, unless he's in one of his rare bad moods. He's in his usual fairly chipper mood, so I've been distracting myself with witty transAtlantic repartee.
I keep feeling afraid that people are angry with me for various reasons, usually ridiculous reasons if I examine them with the eye of logic. Paranoia, paranoia, everybody's coming to get me...
no subject
Date: 2006-07-13 11:19 pm (UTC)I do know what it's like to feel like everyone is your enemy. I hope you feel better.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-15 02:55 am (UTC)I'm not usually afraid that people online are angry at me; it's almost always people I see IRL. My English friend kind of crosses that line; we originally met online but he and his wife came to visit me last fall, and I've been trying to help them buy vacation property here in Florida. I was actually supposed to go look at some properties for them, until I broke my foot. I can't drive until my right foot heals, so I can't go downstate as soon as I was supposed to. They're not mad at me about it though; it's not like I injured my feet on purpose or anything.
But I tend to get convinced that my boyfriend or my family or my friends IRL are mad at me, when they're usually not. Often, if someone is having a bad day and I can tell from their demeanor or tone of voice or whatever, I start wondering what I did to piss them off, and usually it's that they had a bad day at work or they're arguing with someone else in their life or something that has nothing to do with me. But I blame myself for other people's bad moods.
It's weird.
Thanks again.