(no subject)

[azdesertrose]

I went to see my counselor today for the first time since before I fell and hurt my feet. I cancelled a couple of appointments because I have to climb stairs to get to her office, and I wanted to wait until I could move a bit better before attempting those stairs.

The hallucination episode happened right after the last time I saw her.

She asked me a hell of a question. She wanted to know what the facial expression was on my dad's face in the mirror.

That kind of took me a minute. I've been trying not to think about that whole episode as much as I can avoid so doing.

He was glaring at me.

I don't like thinking about this. It bothers me.

I've been having a pleasant little IM conversation with my friend in England; he can usually cheer me up, unless he's in one of his rare bad moods. He's in his usual fairly chipper mood, so I've been distracting myself with witty transAtlantic repartee.

I keep feeling afraid that people are angry with me for various reasons, usually ridiculous reasons if I examine them with the eye of logic. Paranoia, paranoia, everybody's coming to get me...

Comments

[yehovahyireh.livejournal.com]

I don't know if this will help or not, but I, for one, am not mad at you. I don't know why I would have a reason to be. You've never been anything but a friend to me.
I do know what it's like to feel like everyone is your enemy. I hope you feel better.

[desertrosedark.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

I'm not usually afraid that people online are angry at me; it's almost always people I see IRL. My English friend kind of crosses that line; we originally met online but he and his wife came to visit me last fall, and I've been trying to help them buy vacation property here in Florida. I was actually supposed to go look at some properties for them, until I broke my foot. I can't drive until my right foot heals, so I can't go downstate as soon as I was supposed to. They're not mad at me about it though; it's not like I injured my feet on purpose or anything.

But I tend to get convinced that my boyfriend or my family or my friends IRL are mad at me, when they're usually not. Often, if someone is having a bad day and I can tell from their demeanor or tone of voice or whatever, I start wondering what I did to piss them off, and usually it's that they had a bad day at work or they're arguing with someone else in their life or something that has nothing to do with me. But I blame myself for other people's bad moods.

It's weird.

Thanks again.