Well, THAT accomplished a lot...

[azdesertrose]

Depression is something I've fought my whole life, and anxiety has become a part of it, too. I've been having a bad time with it this month, worse than normal. I'm beginning to have fears of people trying to attack me and I'm having hallucinations of bugs crawling on walls and bad smells and things crawling on my skin (which is occasionally not a hallucination but my hair tickling me).

So I tried to call MHRC (Mental Health Resource Center, public mental health clinic) to see if I could get help, but their funding has been cut and they are not accepting any new patients who have no insurance.

In the US, unemployed=uninsured (though employed does not always equal insured), and I can't get Medicaid (state medical assistance program) because I do not qualify.

Well, I could, because I'm a divorcee with a child, but I signed power of attorney to my parents years ago so that they could put Stephani on their medical insurance, and I'm not about to rescind that power of attorney. I'm not taking her off Blue Cross Blue Shield's Federal Employees insurance (which, according to a BCBS rep, is actually better than the BCBS employee benefit) on the chance that I might be able to get Medicaid, which is nowhere near as comprehensive in terms of coverage. And my parents wouldn't let me if I tried, anyway.

The MHRC lady was quite nice; she sounded rather regretful when she told me that I can't get an appointment there. But her only suggestion was to apply for the Shands card (which is a Duval County program--Shands is the company that runs the University of Florida Medical School hospital system, so they have to cooperate with things like public assistance programs). I tried that, in June. The people there were hateful, and basically told me that I'm an idiot for refusing to rescind the power of attorney, and point-blank refused to help me at all. The whole encounter provoked the single worst panic attack of my life, which began with shaking and crying and degenerated into rants about harming the people at the Shands card office (like tearing their hair out of their scalps) and cutting my wrists and writing on their door in blood, and finally into a full-on hysterical seizure, during which I kicked a hole in the bedroom wall (which we still haven't repaired).

Cliff (my boyfriend) didn't even want me to call MHRC. He said he was afraid I'd be committed, which in and of itself is a statement as to how bad things have gotten with my mind, emotions, and behavior. He finally shut up about it when I told him that I don't see how I can live with this. The conversation got very dark, particularly when I told him that generally speaking, you don't get committed unless they think you're a danger to yourself or others, and as long as I don't say anything about having a plan to commit suicide, I can tell most of the truth. (Hard truth about me: there's always a final exit plan hiding in the back of my head, complete with a list of things to do beforehand and plans to dispose of certain possessions that I don't particularly want my family to find.)

But again, such is life for the single, unemployed, and seriously ill. There just isn't any help out there. Not for me.

Comments

[yehovahyireh.livejournal.com]

If you can get Medicaid to declare you mentally disabled, you will qualify for that coverage. That's what I've had to do. I finally had to admit to myself that I can't fight it on my own anymore. I hate the stigma of "disabled", but since I'm a student and living only on my student loans and grants, I've no other choice. You can also find some Psychiatrist's offices who accept Medicaid and will put all your bills on pending status until you get approved. The office that I found is associated with the medical school here in town. It's also the hospital that takes in most of the indigent people in this city, so if I'm denied Medicaid, all I have to do is go to the hospital and get myself declared indigent and the hospital will pay all of my medical bills. There's got to be something like that where you live. It sounds like you really need to get on some medication to control your symptoms. I don't know if you believe in that sort of thing, but I'll pray for you.

[desertrosedark.livejournal.com]

I've thought of that, but being declared disabled due to mental illness requires being able to see a doctor at all.

Shands is affliated with the University of Florida medical school (which is a state-supported college), and so they are the ones who have to deal with the indigent population, but I tried to get help from them and I detailed how well that went, above.

As to praying for me, I'll take all the help I can get.