stop 28 May 2005

[azdesertrose]

I hate this
I feel trapped again
and the trapped feeling always leads to thoughts of ultimate escape
I do not want to take any of the courses of action that seem open to me
I do not think any of them are a good idea
I just want the pain to stop
I want to be whole again
I want to be able to walk and laugh and make love without hurting
I want to be me again
whoever that may be
but this is not me
this pain-ridden emotional roller coaster is not where I want to be
I am so afraid that I'm paralysed with it
I don't know what to do
but doing nothing is the absolute worst course of action
I want an escape route
but this is a building that does not have a back stairwell
I just want the pain to stop
I want to be free to choose my course without these pressures
I want to stop shaking
I want to stop crying
I want to stop worrying so much
and most of all
I want the pain to stop