Still feeling out of it

Apparently I can type today unlike yesterday, but I still feel very out of it.

I slept as long as I could stand to.

My skin feels weird. Last night I could feel a lot of biting sensations all over and it made me very itchy. I'm not so itchy this morning but I feel weird.

No visual or auditory hallucinations yet, thank the gods. Maybe I can get through this without that.

I feel very physically tense. My muscles are tense and not willing to relax.

I want to just stare into space and not do anything, so I'll probably veg out here at the computer and hope nobody bothers me.

Feeling very full of despair

I feel like nobody wants to talk to me or be near me.

I would really like to hurt myself in some fashion. I've been fighting off the urge to cut for days. I wish I could smoke a cigarette but I can't do that either.

I'm feeling kind of mildly suicidal. The thought of killing myself kind of idly crosses my mind from time to time, like everybody would be better off if I were dead. I don't think I need to go to the hospital just yet. I'm not looking for something to overdose on or poison myself with. I just feel like I'm unloved and unlovable and like nobody wants me around.

Okay, that sucked

I just had it shown to me that my startle reflex is much more sensitive right now than normal.

Cliff dropped a lid to a cooking pot and the noise scared me so bad I nearly jumped out of my chair and threw my headset off my head. I'm still shaking from the start.

This almost feels like an emotional migraine. When I have a migraine, light and noise bother me and my stomach gets upset so I don't eat. Well, I'm not eating to speak of because I just can't make myself do it, and my startle responses are way out of whack. It just feels like everything's too intense for me to handle. It makes me want to go hide in bed with the covers over my eyes, even though I can't breathe with the covers over my face.