Random ramblings about Jordan

It's been almost two weeks since kileaiya died.

I still can't believe she's gone. I can't believe I'll never read another post or comment from her. Every time I look at my icon, I think of her.

Wherever she is, I hope she's dancing freely, full of joy and beauty (she always was), free from pain. She had six years in a wheelchair, six years of illness and pain that she rarely showed. She deserves the dance.

I can't wait until the copy of The Color of Magic makes its way to me. I have my own copy but I'm going to wait for the world-traveling copy to re-read.

She was eleven years younger than I am; I just can't imagine being 20 years old and gone.

I can't believe that she sympathized with me over the nausea my medication causes me, when she had so many bigger problems than mine. It makes me feel inadequate and ungrateful for what I do have. But I think a lot of us don't measure up to her standard. As sandykidd said, she was on awesome all the time.

I'm honored to have known her, and I will miss her so much, even though I only knew her online.

(no subject)

I just got back from my depression support group. I still don't know how helpful this is going to be, but I promised my therapist I'd give it a try.

I just don't have anything to say at group, it seems, and I feel shy and awkward there. The older I get the less I like to be in groups of people.

I'm hoping that the women's center group will pan out and be better for me.

I'm still having a lot of trouble with nausea due to the Geodon. I wish it would go away. I wish I'd never taken the weekend off the stuff; all the problems started after I spent that one weekend with no meds.

I'm tired. I think I'm going to go to bed early.