(no subject)

Still feeling really weird.

Still bleeding, although it seems to be letting up.

Slept almost all day. When I first woke up, Cliff wanted me to go into the living room and watch movies with him, but the living room was too bright and noisy for me.

I just wanted to stay in bed; he told me that staying in bed meant I was hiding and hiding isn't good for me. He stayed with me, and we both fell asleep for a few hours. When we woke up, I could deal with being in the living room. The sun had gone down, and it was no longer as noisy.

I don't feel well; my stomach is upset, and my female parts hurt (as do my feet, but the foot pain is not news).

And I bloody forgot to call the damn doctor's office. I need to call to see if I can get one of the other doctors in the new doctor's practice to write me a provisional script for my meds so I don't quit taking them. I can't see the new doctor herself until August 16 because she's out of the country.

I just feel weird and disconnected and anxious. I don't know exactly why.

I had bad dreams last night but I can't recall them very clearly. I wish this would just stop; I'm tired. I'm tired of being afraid and not knowing why.

I keep seeing dark things in my peripheral vision, and when I woke up the first time I heard Yoda say "Rest, yes rest. Forever sleep." (from his death scene in ROTJ) I don't want to move at all.

I still feel like I've expended all my coping abilities and that I'm not ever going to come out of this. I'm lost.