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Apr. 11th, 2006 09:04 pmWell, I finally managed to make myself call the sliding scale clinic. I have an appointment on Thursday at 9am. We'll see if it helps: not holding my breath on that count though.
For the last several days I've been having horrendous nausea, and I'm not sure why. I would have thought that if the med was going to do this, it would have happened sooner, not when I've been on it for almost two weeks. Bleah, though.
I also finally managed to talk to the one close friend who didn't know what's been going on with me. (He lives in England, and I live in Florida, so it's entirely possible for him not to know.) I was kind of afraid he'd be mad at me or something; I don't really know why I felt that way. He said he was glad I'm on meds again, and he apparently has more to say but wasn't feeling well (recovering from a food-allergy reaction) and will say more later. He did also say to me in IM today that he would help me pay for my meds if I need him to; he's made that offer before, but until now I had no way to get a prescription. We shall see, I suppose.
I'm saying "we'll see" about a lot of things right now. I don't suppose my current emotional state is a very good place from which to make decisions anyway.
I still feel suicidal sometimes; I still feel hopeless most of the time, like there is nothing I or anyone else can do to make myself well. But Cliff keeps reminding me that I promised to let him try to help, and keeps reminding me that I promised not to commit suicide. I don't know if I can keep that promise forever though.
I can keep it through the end of this week, I think. This time I promised until Monday.
I'm planning to take my daughter to a Good Friday performance of the St. Matthew Passion. (No, I'm not Christian, I'm not very religious at all, but I LOVE Bach.) Cliff is going to go with us, and maybe another friend or two.
That's all.
For the last several days I've been having horrendous nausea, and I'm not sure why. I would have thought that if the med was going to do this, it would have happened sooner, not when I've been on it for almost two weeks. Bleah, though.
I also finally managed to talk to the one close friend who didn't know what's been going on with me. (He lives in England, and I live in Florida, so it's entirely possible for him not to know.) I was kind of afraid he'd be mad at me or something; I don't really know why I felt that way. He said he was glad I'm on meds again, and he apparently has more to say but wasn't feeling well (recovering from a food-allergy reaction) and will say more later. He did also say to me in IM today that he would help me pay for my meds if I need him to; he's made that offer before, but until now I had no way to get a prescription. We shall see, I suppose.
I'm saying "we'll see" about a lot of things right now. I don't suppose my current emotional state is a very good place from which to make decisions anyway.
I still feel suicidal sometimes; I still feel hopeless most of the time, like there is nothing I or anyone else can do to make myself well. But Cliff keeps reminding me that I promised to let him try to help, and keeps reminding me that I promised not to commit suicide. I don't know if I can keep that promise forever though.
I can keep it through the end of this week, I think. This time I promised until Monday.
I'm planning to take my daughter to a Good Friday performance of the St. Matthew Passion. (No, I'm not Christian, I'm not very religious at all, but I LOVE Bach.) Cliff is going to go with us, and maybe another friend or two.
That's all.
