Poems from years ago...

[azdesertrose]

path
written 30 Oct 1991

i walked along a dreamroad
ahead of me a shadowfigure walked
as if she heard my silent steps
she stopped, and waited
as i came to her side
she raised one bonywhite hand
stop
i looked at her
her longblack hair
her glorious silkblack raiment
i reached and touched the softcold gown
she turned to face me her polished obsidian eyes
searched my soul
from the depths of a darklight
her palethin porcelain face
her hauntedanguished eyes
searched me
are you ready
do you walk with me
in my own darkness
i nod my head
her thindead hand
encases mine i feel the chill of
death
darkestnight is now yet
my brighest illumination is in the hours
i walk with death
her coldempty voice
ringshollow with stories of
others who have walked with her
those whom she has taken home
those that turned away at her doorstep
my mind is spilling with thoughts of those
gone with her and
they that will soon walk death's
dreamroad path
and as i see the magnificentglowingblack
house of death
i am rippedasunder
to walk with my companion to her house
and enter the endlessquietsleep
to continue my path in this discordantworld
to stay with death
to turn away



the inlet
written 13 Feb 1997

the sky the rocks the water all
are gray
all shades of the same monochrome
the water ripples and crests
the strength beneath it quiescent
but present and real
though i know i would not cannot do it
i wonder how it would be
to be one with the gray water and sky and rocks
to float out in its strength til
i am no more me
but part of the unending gray
part of the wind and wave and stone
til flesh and spirit separate
and the unending ocean goes on



mixtura dementia
written 11 Apr 97

i think sometimes that we are all alone
that we are all unconnected
but then i wonder if it is just me
if i am alone
if in a world full of people who have somebody
i am the only one who has no one
sometimes i know it is my own fault
sometimes i am even proud to be different
to be deliberately quirky or eccentric
as if it were proof of my power of intellect
or creativity
sometimes i think i would give some of it up
that i could be of average intelligence if only
i could be like everyone else
and sometimes i think it is worth
the craziness to be admired for my abilities
but sometimes the loneliness is too much
and i wish that someone
anyone
were with me
just to hold me and let my cry
and listen to me and understand why
but there is no one to do those things
and it is then that i wish i could
fall asleep and not ever wake up again