azdesertrose: (Default)
So on Wednesday (St. Paddy's Day), we'll have the family pics, and I'll show off my new 'do. I'll post the before pic Mini-me took as well, so you can see the difference.

I'm not feeling so hot today. I'm wondering if I'm running a fever; maybe it's just allergies. Allergies can really drag me down, health-wise; it's annoying as fuck.

The container garden is going well. I thinned the cilantro yesterday; hopefully it does okay. It's been growing like gangbusters so hopefully it's healthy enough for the transplantation. We found some more big containers that a neighbor was getting rid of, so I'll probably put some of the cilantro in one of those, and save the rest for my tomatoes once they're ready to be transplanted. Soon enough it will be time for the garden to live outside permanently, except for some of the herb seedlings, which I'm going to baby for a little longer. The big tomato plants are growing well, and the tomato seedlings will soon be ready to be transplanted; Bill bought a bell pepper plant, so we'll have fresh salsa out of the garden this summer. Yum yum!

That's about all the news that's fit to print around here.
azdesertrose: (Default)
Okay, the crud from hell appears to be abating. I'm still kind of tired and achy but no longer bedridden. I did go to the doctor and he said that I probably have some sort of virus and that I should rest and get lots of fluids and take Tylenol for the aches.

Friday morning was scary. I woke up somewhere around 5:15am because I had to go to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet for about half an hour because I couldn't move. I had diarrhea a couple of times and felt very dizzy and nauseated and had some really bad cramping in my lower abdomen and my extremities (arms from elbows down and legs from knees down) went numb and would not move correctly. If that series of symptoms hadn't passed, I was going to make someone drive me to the ER, but it did. I went back to bed and felt better.

Today I slept most of the day but I got up and made myself go grocery shopping. Ugh.

Tomorrow, we're supposed to go out for Mother's Day brunch with Cliff's Aunt Diane (Dixie's sister); I'm not particularly looking forward to that if for no other reason than that the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD will be out to eat tomorrow.

My family is being sensible and doing Mother's Day/Bill's birthday (which is May 15) next weekend.

Bleah

May. 7th, 2009 12:29 am
azdesertrose: (Default)
For the last several days, I have awakened with a stuffy nose and a sore throat. Last night my body started hurting, mainly in my muscles and joints. I've spent most of today in bed.

If I were sneezing or coughing or running a fever, I'd suspect flu of some sort. If I still feel this crappy tomorrow, I'm calling my doctor.

ICK.
azdesertrose: (Default)
Still having tummy trouble.

Still also contemplating some sort of spiritual work for myself but not sure exactly what.

I feel kind of lonely today, not sure why. I'm cramping and just not feeling particularly sociable.
azdesertrose: (Default)
Ugh. I've been sick still. I can't seem to get well. I went to the doctor and they said it was gastroenteritis. So joy.

I still haven't had my birthday dinner with my family because my stomach has been too upset.

It's also that time of month. Double joy.

I can't sleep at night either; I've been sleeping all day and staying up at night, which I need to stop doing.

I'm more or less okay though, just keeping weird hours.

I've been reading a lot of Katherine Kurtz, who has long been one of my favorite authors. I picked up most of the Adept series at Chamblin's and read the first one but I don't have the second one so I'm stuck there. I re-read Lammas Night for about the nine thousandth time. I also re-read Deryni Magic for about the three zillionth time. I'm in kind of an esoteric frame of mind because of all that. I'm thinking it might be time to do something spiritual for myself, maybe not as elaborate as my healing ritual but something; I'm just not sure exactly what yet.

So, no, not dead, nothing bad, just tired.
azdesertrose: (Default)
I've been sick again. I caught some horrible sinusitis/bronchitis thing and I'm still getting over it.

There's been a lot going on but I just can't explain it all.

I'm badly depressed and fighting suicidal and self-harm thoughts really hard.

So just please send me hugs.

I'm trying. Really I am. But the darkness is so strong and so cunning and so patient. I just don't know if I can fight any more. I'm trying.

Sick

Dec. 26th, 2008 09:36 pm
azdesertrose: (Default)
Sorry I haven't been around. I've been praying to the porcelain god a lot.

Ugh.

Dec. 16th, 2008 04:03 pm
azdesertrose: (Default)
I hate PMS. It makes me tired and grouchy, and my stomach hurts.

My period should probably start in a few days, and I'm bloated and sore and just generally not a happy camper.

I'm also hungry, but I'm cooking Nicholas and me something to eat now, and then I'm going to take some up to Cliff at work, and then Nicholas and I are going to go to Chamblin's and Target (to get my glasses fixed) and the mall (so Nicholas can look into job hunting).

Contagion

Dec. 4th, 2008 01:34 pm
azdesertrose: (Default)
I'm still sick. I went to the doctor yesterday afternoon, and I do indeed have strep throat. Which means that Cliff and Nicholas have probably both had it recently/are still fighting it off.

Oh crap. That reminds me, I'm supposed to find Cliff's bloodwork paperwork and schedule him for his bloodwork and schedule an appointment with his doctor so he can get on antibiotics for the strep infection. And I can't tear the bedroom apart right now because Nicholas is asleep. Shit.

I feel like the Typhoid Mary for not having caught on that it was a strep infection sooner. But it was only when I got sick that I thought to have anybody's throat rapid-cultured. But who knows how many people have gotten sick because I didn't think to make Cliff go to the doctor when he was sick or drag Nicholas' sick behind to the ER, as sick as he was with it.

Oh well. I guess I shouldn't beat myself up over it.

Ugh. Being sick just saps your energy level. I haven't done anything significant in three days and I'm exhausted.

Today...

Dec. 3rd, 2008 02:12 pm
azdesertrose: (Default)
I'm still sick. I just looked and Solantic, one of the urgent care places around here, does in fact accept Medicare, just not Medicaid. Not sure what the deal is with that. But I'll probably take my sick ass to Solantic and get checked, in case it is strep throat. You don't want to mess with a strep infection.

Little Guy is a brat, in addition to being a kittiot. Not content to eat every bit of food in sight, he also feels the need to play with any toy he can get his little paws on, whether someone else is playing with it or not. I saw Sweetie Pie debating the relative merits of kicking his ass whilst he played with one of her bottle caps, utterly oblivious to impending danger from a cat easily twice his size.

He's getting to be not so little. Damn kids for growing up, anyway. :)
azdesertrose: (Default)
Apparently I'm sicker than I thought I was.

Digestive TMI )

Bleah. *feels like crap*

ETA: I may have strep throat. That's one of the illnesses that can cause both symptoms at the same time, and it seems the most likely candidate. I've always been pretty susceptible to strep throat. If I don't start feeling better by the time Cliff comes home from work, I'll have Dixie drive me to the ER.

*iz sick*

Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:36 pm
azdesertrose: (Default)
Well, last night my throat started hurting. Today I can barely talk, my throat is so sore. I slept for ages and only got up because I just can't sleep any more. I don't feel like doing anything. My body aches, and I feel cold for a while so I cover up, and then I get hot and throw all the covers off.

I'm going to make myself a cup of tea with lemon and honey and hope that makes my throat feel better. This blows.
azdesertrose: (Default)
So Nicholas and I were lying in bed talking and he pointed out (damn it, I hoped no one would notice) that I don't take care of Nora. I make sure everybody else is taken care of but I neglect myself. He said he has never known a woman who makes as little an effort on her appearance as I do.

He's right. Half the time I don't comb my hair, I have to remind myself to brush my teeth (yuck, I know), and I neglect my health by letting my weight get as high as it is and smoking. I don't remember the last time I wore makeup, but it has to have been at least four years. I should throw out my makeup if I can even find it and buy new but I never wear it so why bother? He pointed out that I should have worn makeup to Jen's wedding, but I didn't, largely because it never even occurred to me at the time. I did style my hair and wear a dressy dress and dress shoes and stockings, but I didn't even consider putting on makeup.

I've forgotten how it feels to care about myself and my appearance. I think I've forgotten how to do it.

I could seriously stand to lose half my body weight, and at least ten dress sizes. My hair is presently a horrendous tangled bun on the back of my head. Why do I even keep it long if I don't take care of it? (It's slightly too short to sit on.)

He's gotten me taking walks, sometimes with him, sometimes by myself or with CC, to try to lose some weight and work on my cardiovascular fitness. My eating habits aren't that bad, but I could improve in that area too. On days when I don't walk (bad weather, whatever), I do yoga, which is not that great for cardio but feels good. And it's exercise, right? Anything is better than nothing in that area.

So how do you break the habit of not giving a shit about yourself? I seriously don't know what to do, how to be, so that I care about myself.

He made me cry by saying that I'm a beautiful, wonderful person who deserves love, both from others and from myself.

I don't know how.
azdesertrose: (Default)
Okay, so I thought Nicholas had tossed the pack of smokes. He didn't, but we only shared three last night, so that's better even than I was doing before the scare. We haven't smoked at all today although I asked if we could have one after we were...um...well...naughty earlier. He said we could have one after supper, which will be spaghetti.

I really want some chips so I can eat the salsa I made. I also need to pick up some salad mix for noshing on, since Nicholas' tummy has been a bit upset and he needs more fresh veggies. Won't hurt the rest of us either. But nobody really feels like going anywhere today, me included.
azdesertrose: (Default)
Well, Tuesday night, I was trying to go to bed but my heart started racing and I could swear I felt my heart thrashing in my chest. I was short of breath, couldn't breathe lying down, and Cliff said my pulse was all weird. After a while the weird feeling in my chest turned into actual pain, so I went to the hospital.

Everything checks out fine; I didn't have a heart attack, and my heart is fine. They did an EKG and monitored my heart and breathing for a day, and they did a stress test on me (damn, do those things feel weird) and told me to watch my diet (low fat, low sodium, the usual cardiac thing) and sent me home.

But it scared the crap out of all three of us. So Nicholas threw out a mostly full pack of Djarum Cherry (damn it, those taste good, too), and I am not allowed to smoke. Any more. At all. Full stop.

I haven't had a cigarette since before the episode Tuesday night, and I actually feel kind of okay with that. Not that I'd turn one down, but I don't feel as fucked up as I usually feel without smoking. We'll see how I handle an emotional crisis sans smokie treats.

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