broken 1 July 2005

[azdesertrose]

i think that there is no way out
but the way that means that i am silenced forever
one part of me says that i am giving up
and a lot of me says so what
if no one who can help will help
what's the point

what's the point of the pain
why have i lived my life
tormented by my family
tormented by my past
tormented by my body
never able to rest for long

there is no reason
for any of it
for the rantings inside my head
for the horrendousness of it all
for the torture of my mind
for the self-hate that will not die

it seems that i will never be able
to climb out of the pit
into which i was thrown
many years ago
the pain will torment me forever
and i cannot escape in life

sometimes i wonder why anyone cares for me
i am damaged lost
beyond help
beyond hope
falling into a bottomless abyss
unsalvageable

i am broken beyond repair
useless
without value
physically ill
mentally unstable
unworthy