I am going crazier than normal here.
I feel like I'm being asked to make a lot of changes at the same time and I'm overwhelmed.
Nicholas and Cliff both want me to stop smoking and cut down my caffeine intake. (I go through tea like a motherfucker.)
Cliff wants me to be more attentive to him (which I've been trying to do but apparently not well enough) and to be more conscious of the BDSM aspect of our relationship.( BDSM and sex, skip it if you like )
And in addition to the changes Cliff wants to make in our relationship, and the changes they both want me to make related to my health, I'm having to change the way I run the household, because Nicholas is here, and I have to buy enough food for five people now, not four. I have one more person to consider when I plan the menu and buy groceries, and there are certain things that Nicholas eats and drinks that the rest of us don't, really. (For example, he likes soy milk on his breakfast cereal.) It doesn't bother me to make these changes, but it's taking me a little time to change my way of thinking about the household stuff.
I also don't get as much time as I used to get to putter around on the computer. I used to spend a LOT of time on IRC chatting with Mike and Kevin and various others, and now I only get to duck in every couple of days. I miss my guys.
I just feel like I'm spread rather thinly these days, I guess. I have to spend time with Cliff and with Nicholas and we need trio time and I occasionally need alone time and I haven't seen Jen since the wedding. I have seen Mini-me twice in the last month.
That's a whole different can of worms. I have yet to introduce Nicholas and Mini-me, and I have yet to attempt to explain Nicholas' role in my life. She is pretty laid-back and cool, but I'm wondering how "Mom is poly" is going to fly with her. It would be different if she'd been born into a poly family, but having it thrust on her when she's most of the way grown might not go so well.
So in addition to the daily demands on my time, I need some Jen time, and I need some mom-and-daughter time with Mini-me.
There just aren't enough hours in a day any more.
I don't want to schedule people's emotional needs as if I'm some sort of executive penciling things into her day-planner. But something's got to give here. I just don't want to shortchange anybody in my life, and it feels like everybody's getting shortchanged right now, including me.