azdesertrose: (Default)
My stepdad fell out of a tree yesterday while he was pruning it. He's okay, a few cracked ribs and some bruising and scraping. Knocked the wind out of himself and managed to get up and come to the house, whereupon Mom called 911 and the EMS took him to the hospital. Xrays and CT scans, all clear except for the cracked ribs, and a prescription for Lortab for the pain, and he's to see his regular doctor tomorrow.

This beats me sewing into myself making that damn chair cushion. :) Of course, I wouldn't be joking about it if he weren't okay.

He's in some pain, and he's been being a good lad and taking it easy like the ER doctor said. He was piddling around with his birdhouses earlier (he makes birdhouses as a hobby now he's retired), and now he's chilling in his La-Z-Boy watching Law and Order.

I'm not feeling so well. I skipped class this morning because when I woke up I was very nauseated. It's just a migraine that won't either get bad enough for me to take strong medicine or go away.
azdesertrose: (Harry/Hermione)
I am going to see "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" tonight, because unlike every other HP freak on the planet, I have yet to see the damn movie. :)

As any of my Trimarian friends can tell by the fact that I'm posting now, I was not able to get my ducks in a row for Coronation. Damn. I really wanted to go, but no $$$$.

Mom is doing quite well, getting her energy back and generally feeling much better. Mini-me is having issues in school, largely having to do with asshattery from (mostly male) classmates and what may be a misunderstanding with a teacher. Bill is ornery as ever.

I am attempting to get my ducks in a row in (mostly) non-financial ways. More on that later.

Grrr!

Aug. 28th, 2009 08:54 pm
azdesertrose: (Default)
I've been at Mom's for the last week or so, helping do while she recovers. She's doing quite well; she still tires easily and she still has limited use of her left arm, but she seems to get better every day, which is good to see (and probably a reflection on her general good health).

However, apparently the stress of taking care of my parents' household whilst still being at least partly responsible for the running of my own has gotten to me, as I've got a migraine that has so far lasted for over 40 hours, making it the longest non-drug-induced migraine of my life. (I had some longer ones when I was taking Wellbutrin, but once I stopped the med, the headaches stopped.)

Also, Vocational Rehabilitation called me yesterday. Their psychological evaluator has decided, without ever meeting me, that I am not yet stable enough to return to work, which means that VR won't help me yet. This sucks moldy hoagie rolls. I was fairly well aware that I'm not ready to attempt to work again, but I had hoped at least to attempt to attend school with the intent of training myself for paying work that I can do within the confines of my condition. The program I want to attend is a two-year course of study. I might call them back Monday (assuming the Migraine from Hell has ended) and fuss about that.

Anyway, still alive, still more-or-less functional, and still crazy as hell. :)
azdesertrose: (Default)
So I've been staying at Mom's for the last week, doing all the household stuff she can't really do right now, but I keep having to go solve problems at my house too. This whole responsible adult gig is for the birds! :)

Mom is doing well. She had the stitches from the pacemaker insertion removed today, and she's healing well. The pacemaker nurse told her that the thing is kicking in about 15% of the time (the pacemaker only kicks in if Mom's heart rate drops below 60 beats per minute), which kind of startled her. She still tires easily, and she still has fairly limited use of her left arm, but she feels pretty good, all things considered.

Mom made a joke about loving the fact that I've been up there, because she hasn't had to do much, which is sort of the point.

Mini-me started school on Monday, and she's been complaining about the immaturity of high school boys and the general suckitude of high school in general. I told her to stick it out, do her work, and get into college/uni and life will be a lot better. Poor kid is wiped out; she's gone to bed about as soon as she got home from school two afternoons out of three.

Anyway, that's all the news that's fit to print around here.
azdesertrose: (Default)
Mom went home this afternoon. I'm going to get my household set up to run in my absence and then I'm going to go up there and stay a while. Because of the pacemaker surgery, Mom isn't really supposed to use her left hand much for a while, so she's not going to be able to wash her hair, amongst other things, so I'm going to go help her with the things she can't do for now while she recovers.

Mom, the family, and I appreciate the thoughts, prayers, healing energies, etc. Thanks, y'all!
azdesertrose: (Default)
Okay, so Mom went home from the hospital today. I'm going to get my household set up to run in my absence and then I'm going to go stay with my parents for a while. Due to the pacemaker surgery, Mom isn't really supposed to use her left hand much for a while, so she's going to need help doing things like washing and fixing her hair, and I'm thinking she's not going to feel much like cooking or cleaning or doing other housekeeping stuff for a while, so I said I'd come stay a while and do stuff until she can do for herself again.

Thanks again everybody for all the thoughts, prayers, healing energies, etc. We really appreciate them!
azdesertrose: (Default)
Today they put a pacemaker in Mom's left shoulder. I went up there again this afternoon/early evening and hung out with her for a while, and she seems to be feeling fairly well, given the circumstances. We chatted for a couple of hours.

They're doing some sort of X-ray tomorrow, and a stress test. I had thought they were going to do the chemical stress test, but they're going to make her get up and do the treadmill thing. Mom said she can handle walking in a tone of voice that indicated I should stop treating her like she's made of fine crystal. :) Not sure when she gets to go home yet.

More news when I have some.

Thanks again for any and all thoughts, prayers, healing energies, etc. Mom appreciates them, and so do I.

Edited to correct stupid grammar error which I know better than to make.
azdesertrose: (Default)
Today they put a pacemaker in Mom's left shoulder. I went up to the hospital this evening and she was a little dopey from the Percocet they gave her, but she seemed to be feeling fairly well, all things considered. We talked for a while about all kinds of stuff, again, ranging from Tony Hillerman novels to the oppression of women in Afghanistan.

Tomorrow she's supposed to have some sort of funky X-ray and a cardiac stress test. If her nurse is right, they're going to do the treadmill stress test, which sort of surprised me because she just had the pacemaker put in, but Mom said she can walk. (They can do a chemical stress test, wherein they inject some drug into you that speeds up your heart for about 20 minutes or so, and then wears off, and that's what I had thought they were going to do.)

Thank you all for the prayers, thoughts, good health wishes, healing energies, etc. Mom appreciates it (and has said so), and I appreciate it too.

That's all the news that's fit to print for tonight. More when I have it.
azdesertrose: (Default)
I spent about four hours at the hospital earlier today, just hanging out with Mom. She seems to be feeling okay, all things considered. She's still having some chest pain, and they won't let her get out of the bed alone, so she has to call a nurse if she needs to use the bathroom. She wants to go home, because being in the hospital sucks.

No real news. We're still getting a nice polite medical version of "Hell if we know."

I did convey the healing thoughts, prayers, etc, and Mom said to convey her appreciation. :)

I'll post when/if I know something.
azdesertrose: (Default)
I spent about four hours at the hospital, just hanging out with Mom. She seems to be feeling okay, all things considered. She's still having some chest pain, but for some stupid reason, the doctor has only authorized morphine for her, and when the nurse offered her the morphine, she said the pain wasn't THAT bad. The nurse made her promise to call for the morphine if she should get to the point of significant discomfort, and I think she will call for the morphine if she feels she needs it, but Mom doesn't like to take "fuzzy drugs" unless she just has to ("fuzzy drugs" being a family term for any medication strong enough to fuddle your brains, i.e. narcotic painkillers).

I left shortly after my stepdad called and said that he, Mini-me, and my uncle were on their way, as I figured that four visitors at once would be a bit much.

We talked about a whole bunch of stuff, and she wants to go home, because being in the hospital sucks. But the doctors don't want her to go home until they've figured out what the hell is going on.

I told her to call me (or have someone call me) if she gets any news, and if they don't discharge her tomorrow, I'll go back up and visit again.

Thanks all around for the healing thoughts, prayers, etc. I conveyed them to Mom and she says to thank y'all too.

So I guess we wait.

Shit.

Aug. 15th, 2009 10:53 pm
azdesertrose: (Default)
My mobile phone went off at about 3:45 this morning; it was Mini-me's ring tone. I picked up my phone thinking, "Why in the hell is my spawn calling me at this hour?"

She was calling me from the ER at Baptist. My stepdad had to rush my mom to the ER around midnight due to chest pains. Mom apparently has been having chest pains off and on for about a week, but had thought that it was just inflammation because she recently got over a bad cold. (The inflammation does tend to happen to her after a bad cold, so that's not completely crazy or stupid on Mom's part.) But then, last night, the pain got really bad, so my stepdad kicked Mini-me out of bed and they hauled ass to the hospital.

Apparently, at one point last night, Mom's heart stopped beating for about 20 seconds; Mini-me was actually there when it happened. She said the monitor started beeping, so she looked up at it and saw that the EKG graphic was damn near flat, the pulse rate was 0, and the pulse oxygen was 44 (pulse oxygen should be in the high 90s). She made a joke to Mom about having knocked the sensors loose or something and when Mom didn't respond, she looked. Mom's head had lolled to one side, her face was flushed, and her eyes were fixed and staring. When Mom came to, she was pale and sweaty and kind of out of it for a while.

The doctors really don't know what the hell is going on. All of the tests so far have come back normal, but the whole "heart stopped beating for 20 seconds" has us all pretty concerned. Mom seems to be feeling more or less okay, tired and dizzy, but not horrible.

I hauled ass up to the hospital last night (well, early this morning, really) and visited for a while, but decided that I'd probably better leave and let her rest, because being in the hospital is not particularly restful and she and I will inevitably run our mouths if we're within 10 feet of each other.

My uncle (Mom's brother) has come down from Charleston, and I'm going to go back up to the hospital tomorrow. I would have gone back this evening but with my uncle and stepdad and Mini-me there, I didn't want to add another person and tire her out even more.

Anyway, thoughts, prayers, healing energies, etc. toward my mom would be greatly appreciated.

Shit.

Aug. 15th, 2009 10:05 pm
azdesertrose: (Default)
My mobile phone went off at about 3:45 this morning; it was Mini-me's ring tone. I picked up my phone thinking, "Why in the hell is my spawn calling me at this hour?"

She was calling me from the ER at Baptist. My stepdad had to rush my mom to the ER around midnight due to chest pains. Mom apparently has been having chest pains off and on for about a week, but had thought that it was just inflammation because she recently got over a bad cold. (The inflammation does tend to happen to her after a bad cold, so that's not completely crazy or stupid on Mom's part.) But then, last night, the pain got really bad, so my stepdad kicked Mini-me out of bed and they hauled ass to the hospital.

Apparently, at one point last night, Mom's heart stopped beating for about 20 seconds; Mini-me was actually there when it happened. She said the monitor started beeping, so she looked up at it and saw that the EKG graphic was damn near flat, the pulse rate was 0, and the pulse oxygen was 44 (pulse oxygen should be in the high 90s). She made a joke to Mom about having knocked the sensors loose or something and when Mom didn't respond, she looked. Mom's head had lolled to one side, her face was flushed, and her eyes were fixed and staring. When Mom came to, she was pale and sweaty and kind of out of it for a while.

The doctors really don't know what the hell is going on. All of the tests so far have come back normal, but the whole "heart stopped beating for 20 seconds" has us all pretty concerned. Mom seems to be feeling more or less okay, tired and dizzy, but not horrible.

I hauled ass up to the hospital last night (well, early this morning, really) and visited for a while, but decided that I'd probably better leave and let her rest, because being in the hospital is not particularly restful and she and I will inevitably run our mouths if we're within 10 feet of each other.

My uncle (Mom's brother) has come down from Charleston, and I'm going to go back up to the hospital tomorrow. I would have gone back this evening but with my uncle and stepdad and Mini-me there, I didn't want to add another person and tire her out even more.

Anyway, thoughts, prayers, healing energies, etc. toward my mom would be greatly appreciated.

Joy

May. 17th, 2009 03:34 am
azdesertrose: (Default)
Well, I've been on the higher dose of the Zoloft for a few days and so far it seems to be making me feel really weird. I feel like I'm not thinking as quickly as I normally do and I feel a little disoriented sometimes. Maybe that will go away soon. I'm going to give it a few more days to straighten out before I call my nurse-prac and complain about it.

In other news, my daughter has decided that I need a fashion makeover. Unfortunately, I guess I'm an old fuddy-duddy. She took me to the mall to look at dresses, and a lot of the "fashionable" dresses are just hideous. Loud prints, colors I hate, styles that look like shit on me. (What IS it with these necklines that emphasize the width of one's shoulders? The last bloody thing I need a garment to do is to emphasize the width of my shoulders. I look like a defensive lineman with tits as it is.) I say leave me to my solid t-shirts and blue jeans/sweats/capris.

Anyway, on that random note, I'll sign off for tonight.
azdesertrose: (Default)
Okay, the crud from hell appears to be abating. I'm still kind of tired and achy but no longer bedridden. I did go to the doctor and he said that I probably have some sort of virus and that I should rest and get lots of fluids and take Tylenol for the aches.

Friday morning was scary. I woke up somewhere around 5:15am because I had to go to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet for about half an hour because I couldn't move. I had diarrhea a couple of times and felt very dizzy and nauseated and had some really bad cramping in my lower abdomen and my extremities (arms from elbows down and legs from knees down) went numb and would not move correctly. If that series of symptoms hadn't passed, I was going to make someone drive me to the ER, but it did. I went back to bed and felt better.

Today I slept most of the day but I got up and made myself go grocery shopping. Ugh.

Tomorrow, we're supposed to go out for Mother's Day brunch with Cliff's Aunt Diane (Dixie's sister); I'm not particularly looking forward to that if for no other reason than that the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD will be out to eat tomorrow.

My family is being sensible and doing Mother's Day/Bill's birthday (which is May 15) next weekend.

Just stuff

Mar. 10th, 2009 09:22 pm
azdesertrose: (Default)
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I let myself get buried in books for a few days and went all Luddite on the world.

I re-read the entire Earth's Children series, plus Jennifer Government, which Nicholas had been nagging me to read. It's quite good, sort of a latter-day, fast-paced 1984. It was quite easy to read, yet thought-provoking.

I may or may not stay on the Lamictal. I had started to develop a rash last night, small red itchy bumps on my feet, ankles, hands, and wrists. I took a couple of Benadryl and went to bed, and didn't take the Lamictal today. I called my ARNP and she said she wants to see me tomorrow to look at the rash and make a decision about the meds. The rash seems to have faded, between the Benadryl and not having taken the Lamictal today.

Nicholas' hair is still a work in progress. He took out what I had done because we didn't get around to finishing within the next day or so, and it's best to do the entire head at once or as close to it as can be arranged. So we sat up together and watched movies and I did his entire head, but he fell asleep while I was doing it, and when he examined it, he said that some of the baby dreads-to-be are too thick and others aren't coiled tightly enough or waxed heavily enough so I have to work on it some more. I'm perfectly willing to work on it until I get it right. I just haven't spent much time working on African textured hair, and what I have worked on was relaxed. He has worn dreadlocks before, so he knows how it should be; it's just hard to do on yourself, apparently. I can understand that. You can't see the back of your own head, after all.

Dixie and Nancy are talking about moving out. It would be nice to have the extra space and privacy, but it means we'll lose some income because Dixie pitches in to help cover household expenses. I think I'll also miss having them around for the help around the house they both give. Dixie does some cooking and makes most of the iced tea. Nancy does a bit of cooking and most of the cleaning, which was Cliff's idea since she's almost 22 years old and has no job, so therefore does not pitch in toward household expenses. Before they move out, I've got to get Dixie to teach me to make meatballs and meatloaf, both of which she does exceptionally well and I can't do worth shit. On the other hand, if I want to come out of my bedroom naked, I would be able to do so if the household was just me, Cliff, Nicholas, and Aysha, because goddess knows I've got nothing the three of them haven't seen. We shall see, I suppose.

I almost got into an argument with Nancy's friend Jon (the only one of her friends who doesn't drive me completely batshit) over abortion last night. He is militantly Catholic and therefore pro-life to the point of believing that not even rape victims should be allowed to terminate a pregnancy caused by the rape (not that this situation occurs that often in the real world anyway, and more and more rapists are using condoms these days to avoid leaving their DNA with their victims). The only reason it didn't turn into a loud and vociferous debate (at the very least) was that I cut it short with the excuse that Cliff was trying to sleep and would not appreciate said debate/argument. I really wanted to tear him a new one, though. Pro-life men drive me even crazier than pro-lifers in general; men are not the ones who have to carry a pregnancy. They have no clue what it's like, especially not someone Jon's age (early 20s). And yes, I know men can be raped and I have every sympathy in the world for any victim of any sort of assault, but the plain fact is, women are hurt in that way much more often than men. Jon's argument (re: pregnancy as a result of rape) was that the unborn is not responsible for the crime of its father. Mine is that rape is not just a physical and sexual crime; it is deeply emotional. Pregnancy is also a deeply emotional experience, and I don't think that a woman who is trying to recover from a rape should have to carry the child of her rapist. She can if she wants to, but she shouldn't be forced to. It comes down to this. The needs of a living woman are more important, to my way of thinking, than the needs of a cluster of cells, albeit a cluster of cells that will one day become a human being. We count life from the date of birth, not the date of conception, which can't usually be nailed down anyway. There are just too many situations in which abortion is a viable--and in some cases, the best--option. What about a pregnancy that endangers the mother's life? Why should a 12-year-old incest victim have to bear her stepfather's child? I used to know someone who had been in that situation. It is not healthy to carry a pregnancy so young, and her body paid for it in later years. And when you really get down to it, why should any woman have to bear a child she does not want or cannot afford?

Off my soapbox now.
azdesertrose: (Default)
Well, today is my 33rd birthday. Whee.

I'm just not enthused about it. Nicholas is going to bake my cake for me; I was going to bake it myself and he said that no one should have to bake their own birthday cake. Pineapple upside down cake. I know it's kind of a weird cake for birthday cake but it was what I felt like.

My parents will probably take me out to dinner at some point this week. Mom called me yesterday to ask me what I wanted to do and I told her I'd rather wait a few days because I'm still getting over this sinusitis/bronchitis thing. I'm trying to figure out where I want them to take me.

I'm tired from crying, but I can't sleep. I still feel like hurting myself but I won't do it. I just want to. I guess general depression can account for the fact that I'm just not feeling my birthday.
azdesertrose: (Default)
Well, my family is sick, so we're on our own for Thanksgiving. I'm not sure what we're going to do; we're too broke for me to cook the whole turkey, etc. Oh well. I guess we'll do that next week after my monthly disability check comes in.

I saw my counselor yesterday and that went really well. I like her a lot.

I have to go now and see my psychiatrist. Hopefully she'll agree to put me back on Zoloft.
azdesertrose: (Default)
I still feel fairly calm and peaceful.

Cliff is getting over being sick and poor Nicholas has been running a fever all day and sounds like a bullfrog because his throat is sore and his sinuses are all fubar. (He's got a fairly deep voice anyway.)

I've been nagging him to rest and drink lots of fluids because that's about the only thing that really helps a bad cold. I put a hot compress on his head to try to loosen up all the sinus crap but I'm not sure that helped. He's being male and stubborn and wants to sit up with me instead of resting in bed like his sick ass ought to. It's sweet that he wants to be with me, but he should be in bed.

Tomorrow is my therapy appointment, and then Wednesday I have to see my psychiatrist. I'm hoping I can get my psychiatrist to put me back on Zoloft instead of the Paxil. My gyno thinks the Paxil is making me gain weight which I do not by any means need to do. I'm hoping that Patricia (the therapist) is as cool as her bio makes her sound. She called me today to confirm my appointment and I spent a good five minutes trying to figure out her accent. She sounds a bit like a Scotswoman who's been living in the Southern US for a long time. I'll have to ask tomorrow.

I'm a little nervous still about the therapy appointment. I feel a lot better since the ritual but I know I still have work to do.

I'm also nervous about Thanksgiving. I don't really have the money to do the traditional meal here, so if we're going to have turkey, etc. we really have to go up to my parents' house and I still don't know how my parents are going to react to Nicholas. I shouldn't care, but I don't want to alienate what family I have left. Oh well. I guess we just have to wait and see on that one.

I think I'm going to go take a nice warm bath with some lavender oil in it and go to bed. I'm tired from staying up all night last night and not sleeping much today, and if I go to bed, Nicholas will too and rest like his sick behind needs to.
azdesertrose: (Default)
I think I know what triggered all this mess with the body memories and the depression over the abuse.

The father-daughter dance at Jen's wedding.

It was beautiful. Jen so lovely in her absolutely magnificent wedding gown with her beautiful hair freshly hennaed and styled so beautifully and Jen's dad so handsome and distinguished in his Navy dress whites. (He's a retired Master Chief.)

It's something I'll never have. For one thing, with my love life the way it is, I'll never have a traditional wedding. I'm deeply in love with two men, both of whom want to make a lifetime commitment to me. So that may not fly with my family at all.

For another, my own father is completely out of the question insofar as a father-daughter dance, and you can't drag my stepdad onto a dance floor unless he's half lit which he doesn't do any more (he never made a habit of it anyway) since he's been diagnosed as diabetic. (Alcoholic drinks can really fuck up your blood sugar, especially for diabetics.) Mini-me might be able to get him to do the dad stuff when she gets married, but she is much more his darling than I ever was, not that I doubt that he loves me, and not that she doesn't deserve his adoration.

So I think I've been grieving what never was and never could be. My father has never been more than a mean-tempered drunk who abused all four of his children (my brothers bear their scars too), and I don't know if he ever loved any of us.

I tried to love him. I wanted to love my daddy. But you can only waste so much love on someone who doesn't love you back.

Bill is the closest thing I've got to a dad. He's always been there to help me fix my car and bail me out when I've fucked up, and he's done all the dad things. He's been everything I could ever have wanted and then some in a grandfather to my daughter. For a man who never wanted children of his own, he did a damn good job trying to bring me up right and he's done an even better job with Mini-me, who is far less screwed up than I am anyway. We don't agree on everything; I turned out a lot more politically and socially liberal than he's really comfortable with, but he loves me and I love him. I just doubt he'd dance at my highly untraditional wedding.

I just have to be happy with that. I have to find a way to make my peace with what I don't have and be happy with what I do have.

This is the song I'd use for the father-daughter dance, if Bill would do it.

When a single mom goes out on a date with somebody new
It always winds up feeling more like a job interview
My momma used to wonder if she'd ever meet someone
Who wouldn't find out about me and then turn around and run

I met the man I call my dad when I was five years old
He took my mom out to a movie and for once I got to go
A few months later, I remember lying there in bed
I overheard him pop the question and I prayed that she'd say yes

And then, all of a sudden, oh it seemed so strange to me
How we went from something's missing to a family
Looking back, all I can say about all the things he did for me
Is I hope I'm at least half the dad that he didn't have to be

I met the girl that's now my wife about three years ago
We had the perfect marriage but we wanted something more
Now here I stand surrounded by our family and friends
Crowded 'round the nursery window as they bring the baby in

And now, all of a sudden, oh it seems so strange to me
How we've gone from something's missing to a family
Looking through the glass, I think about the man that's standing next to me
And I hope I'm at least half the dad that he didn't have to be

And looking back all I can say about all the things he did for me
Is I hope I'm at least half the dad that he didn't have to be
Yeah, I hope I'm at least half the dad that he didn't have to be
Because he didn't have to be
You know he didn't have to be
azdesertrose: (Default)
I think I've worked out a way around Cliff's emotional jealousy issues without hurting Nicholas. I think I've figured out how to explain to Cliff that I can (and do) love Nicholas without taking anything away from him. We shall see if it actually works the way I think it will.

Nicholas is still here and is in fact within arm's reach of me now. We're puttering around on our respective computers.

Cliff brought a cold home from work and now we are all three sick. If Dixie catches it, she'll probably land back in the hospital again. Jeez.

Nicholas may be moving in with us sooner than originally planned. I would have preferred to have Dixie and Nancy out of here first, but it looks like he may need someplace to stay sooner than that, and I'd rather squeeze him in here than worry (as I will no matter how many times he tells me not to) about whether or not he's sleeping indoors and eating regularly.

I so do not want to put him on that train tomorrow night.

Cliff doesn't particularly seem to want him to leave either. Nicholas was puttering around in the computer room and Cliff was taking a bath and told me to "go check the lottery ticket. If we won, then Nicholas doesn't have to go back to North Carolina." I think he's just happy to have someone to play and discuss Warcrack with who doesn't give me the willies the way Tyler sometimes does. (Tyler finds child-like women attractive, and that's always made me a little uneasy.)

Cliff and Nicholas have suddenly become hell bent that I should start playing Warcrack as well. Nicholas confessed to me that it was so they could game and not feel like they were neglecting me. I've created a character and puttered around with her a little bit, but I don't think it will ever become the addiction for me that it is for them. I don't know. I was iffy about tabletop gaming the first time I did it, and now I love it, so no telling, really.

Sex talk and WAY TMI, so skip it if you like. )

Oh, and my stepdad has seen Nicholas with us, because I ran out of gas on Friday trying to make it two more miles to the bank to cash Cliff's paycheck and to the gas station and my stepdad had to save my ass for the 902nd time or so. Bill didn't say anything, and I was a bit nervous so I forgot to introduce them to each other like I meant to. I don't particularly relish the thought of cluing my parents in to my love life because I just generally don't tell them much about it, but if/when Nicholas comes to stay they'll find out eventually that he's more than a friend to me. I'd actually rather tell my daughter than my parents. Mini-me would probably look at me a little funny and then shrug it off. My parents are liable to have a complete cow that I have a fiance AND a lover.

Nicholas has joined Cliff's campaign to get me to quit smoking. I presently have a horrible cough, partially from smoking and partially from this stupid cold. I had a coughing fit a bit ago and Nicholas took my hand and looked me dead in the eyes with those lovely dark eyes of his and said, "I really wish you'd quit smoking." I really should anyway. It's just that the habit is so damn hard to break.

I really should get some sleep. I'm just not as sleepy as I should be, given how...um...busy I've been.

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