azdesertrose: (Default)
REASONS NOT TO KILL YOURSELF
by Mari Collings

Because you deserve to live.
Because your life has value, whether or not you can see it,
because it was not your fault,
because you didn't choose to be battered and used,
because life itself is precious, because they were and are wrong,
because you are connected to each and every other ritual abuse survivor, and so your daily battle automatically gives others hope and strength.
Because you will feel better, eventually,
because each time you confront despair you get stronger, and you can't know now what you will ultimately be able to do with this new morsel of strength, what future battles you will be able to win,
because if you die today you will never again feel love for another human being, or trust, or gratitude; because you will never again see kindness and compassion in another's eyes.
Because if you die today you will never again see sunlight poring through the leaves of a tree, or a bird take flight, or feel the quality of light in winter,
because the seconds do not cease their passing, because even if it feels like time has become an unbearably heavy stone, it has not, and you only have to endure,
because you have already won ... you have known the cleverness and resiliency and courage and stubborn will to make it this far, and no one will take it away,
because the will to live is not a cruel punishment, even if it feels like that at times: it is a priceless gift.
Because your inner children need you, they have no one else and their need is so great, and because they deserve more than anyone to be healed and comforted; they are true heroes against impossible odds.
Because you owe your inner children, they are the reason you are here. If you die today you will erase the meaning of their suffering and incredible endurance, and that is too great a loss,
because you already have the skills to find your healing path; you have proven this over and over again,
because we need more warriors against this evil,
because we need survivors to offer testament against this horror and despair,
because no one knows better than you the meaning of suffering, and agony deepens the heart,
because you deserve the peace that will come after this battle is won, and it will be won, but only minute by minute ... we must learn to let go of the unconquerable,
because we can all come together in later years to laugh at their faces; because we will be able to show them that even though they had all the power and strength and ruthless cunning, even though we were only helpless, innocent, dependent children, we will have beaten them at the game they so smugly thought they had mastered,

because I am furious that we will have to suffer the pain of another's evil and filth,

because you too will one day feel fury,

because it is critical that you survive.
azdesertrose: (Default)
Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] noodledays at In Memory of Matthew Shepard
Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] myrrhmade at In Memory of Matthew Shepard
Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] ladyhadhafang at In memory of Matthew Shepard
Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] lijahlover at In memory of Matthew Shepard
Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] kerrsmith2306 at In memory of Matthew Shepard



THE ULTIMATE SILENCE ~ October 12th, 1998



Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn'ts,
The impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves,
Then listen close to me ...
Anything can happen, child.
Anything can be.

~ Shel Silverstein


Fourteen years ago today, Matthew Shepard was murdered for being homosexual.

What will you do to end the silence?

For background information check out the HBO movie "The Laramie Project"

Please read ... )

http://www.matthewsplace.com

http://www.matthewshepard.org

http://www.stophate.us/shepard/

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=112638393




This is particularly apropos today. I spent most of the day out at our LGBT Pride Parade.

Matthew, you are not forgotten! Never!
azdesertrose: (Default)
Okay, I'm not trying to be a comment whore, but nobody has commented to anything I've posted in literally months.

If nobody is actually reading any more, then I'm going to save what's important off this journal and shift to only keeping one main LJ account, which will be my original LJ, [livejournal.com profile] azdesertrose.

If nobody comments to this entry within a week, I'm going to close this account. It's just silly to keep it if nobody's actually reading.

Wow, LTNS

Feb. 19th, 2012 08:20 pm
azdesertrose: (Sanity (purple))
It's been a long time since I posted here. I don't know how to sum up everything that's been going on, so I'm just going to say "Helloooooooooooooo out there!"


And leave you with a bit from a Dove Promise from the Valentine's Day chocolates I got from my mom.

"Indulge your sense of amusement."

And I do. :)

Twitter

May. 30th, 2011 10:49 pm
azdesertrose: (Default)
So I gave up and made a Twitter account. Who's out there for me to follow?

Metafrantic, sandykidd, I'm already following you two. :)
azdesertrose: (Default)
Well, I'm getting my own place. I sign the lease tomorrow, and then I figure out when I have moving help to move in.

It'll be nice to have my own place again. Privacy FTW!! :)

I will miss my family and I'm always grateful that they're here for me, but I need to try to fly on my own.

ETA: Moving help will be available on Wednesday of next week, so that's the big day.

I'll probably be offline for a while after I move because it will be a little bit before I can get internet hooked up at the new apartment.
azdesertrose: (Default)
Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] dr_is_in at Copied via quite a few other places.....not sure of the original source...
*I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

*I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

*I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transgender woman.

*I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

*We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

*I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

*I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

*I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

*I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

*We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

*I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

*I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

*I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

*I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

*I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

*I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

*I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transgender.

*I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.

*I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

*I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia/transphobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.



I think I've posted this before, but it bears repeating.
azdesertrose: (Default)
So yay! I have a new mobile phone (same number).

AAAAANNNDDDD...

I can text freely now without worrying about running up the phone bill!!! YAY!
azdesertrose: (Default)
So we've opened our pressies and we're now staying out of Mom's way while she cooks.

I got a new pair of house shoes, warm fuzzy house shoes that I have on now. Also two CDs, Linkin Park's "Meteora", and the Tallis Scholars Sing Thomas Tallis. Listening to the Tallis CD now.

Got two books, Tony Hillerman's memoir, Seldom Disappointed and an old trashy romance novel I had years ago and lost somehow, Bertrice Small's Adora. Also got the DVD of "Brassed Off!" which I saw a zillion years ago and loved and had almost forgotten about until recently.

I got a new shaving razor, a pill organizer (which I needed because I've been bad about remembering my meds lately), a CD lens cleaner, and some housewares (dish cloths and towels, oven mitts, and a canister set) for when I have my own place again.

And of course, chocolates in my stocking.

So that's the Christmas loot. :)
azdesertrose: (Default)
Ohai, y'all. :)

Here is my new-to-me car.




I gave her the name Ciaran, just because I like it. I think it's a cool name and she's a cool car. She has leather interiors, a power sunroof, power driver's seat, a CD player with a jack for an mp3 player, and she's just really cool. If Ciaran will make it a couple of years, to get me through stenotype school and working again, that'll do nicely. She's nice and clean and I think she's pretty. Oh, she also has tinted windows, what my family (particularly Mom) calls dope-smoking windows, LOL.

I've shown her to my friend Autumn, yesterday, but the rest of my friends haven't seen her yet. Stephani likes to drive her, because of the iPod jack. She told me, "you suck!" when I told her about the iPod jack. :)

She's all insured and registered and good to go.
azdesertrose: (Default)
Okay, the holiday cards are done, and will be going out on Monday. I have to go to the post office and get postage for the two cards that are going to the UK. The US cards are stamped and ready to be dropped in the box.
azdesertrose: (Default)
Hey, y'all! Bill found me a car! I can finally retire the poor 626 that has 239,600-something miles on it.

It's another 626, but newer and with fewer miles and nicer. We go to get it tomorrow morning.

So I get a new-to-me car! Of course, now I will have a car payment to make. It'll be cool, though.

In other news, I decided, rather at the last minute, to do holiday cards, so if you want a holiday card from me, even if you think I have your address, post it to this entry. I'll screen the comments so that nobody sees your address but me. A lot of my stuff is in storage right now, and I've misplaced a lot of people's addresses. So I will sign them with my calligraphy stuff and mail them out, probably this weekend at some point. I don't mind sending cards overseas, so if you're somewhere besides the US and you want a card from me, that's cool.

Woohoo!

Dec. 7th, 2010 07:02 pm
azdesertrose: (Default)
Stephani and I are going to see Trans Siberian Orchestra on Thursday evening, because I won tickets off a radio station! Yay!

A survey

Oct. 20th, 2010 06:30 pm
azdesertrose: (Default)
My daughter made up a survey for an assignment, so please fill this out if you have time.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/F32Q3BZ
azdesertrose: (Default)
My stepdad fell out of a tree yesterday while he was pruning it. He's okay, a few cracked ribs and some bruising and scraping. Knocked the wind out of himself and managed to get up and come to the house, whereupon Mom called 911 and the EMS took him to the hospital. Xrays and CT scans, all clear except for the cracked ribs, and a prescription for Lortab for the pain, and he's to see his regular doctor tomorrow.

This beats me sewing into myself making that damn chair cushion. :) Of course, I wouldn't be joking about it if he weren't okay.

He's in some pain, and he's been being a good lad and taking it easy like the ER doctor said. He was piddling around with his birdhouses earlier (he makes birdhouses as a hobby now he's retired), and now he's chilling in his La-Z-Boy watching Law and Order.

I'm not feeling so well. I skipped class this morning because when I woke up I was very nauseated. It's just a migraine that won't either get bad enough for me to take strong medicine or go away.
azdesertrose: (Default)
Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] neo_prodigy at Spirit Day
 


It’s been decided. On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in honor of the 6 gay boys who committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes at at their schools. Purple represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that’s exactly what we’d like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality. Please wear purple on October 20th. Tell your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and schools.

RIP Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh (top)
RIP Justin Aaberg, Raymond Chase (middle)
RIP Asher Brown and Billy Lucas. (bottom)

REBLOG to spread a message of love, unity and peace.




This is really important to me, although I know it has nothing to do with spirituality, religion, or paganism. One of the members of my circle is gay, I'm bisexual, and I feel horrible for these children who've died so tragically. So wear purple on 20 October, and pass it on. Please repost anywhere you can think to post it.

Edited to change graphic to something that doesn't use pictures without permission
azdesertrose: (Default)
Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] neo_prodigy at Spirit Day
 


It’s been decided. On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in honor of the 6 gay boys who committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes at at their schools. Purple represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that’s exactly what we’d like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality. Please wear purple on October 20th. Tell your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and schools.

RIP Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh (top)
RIP Justin Aaberg, Raymond Chase (middle)
RIP Asher Brown and Billy Lucas. (bottom)

REBLOG to spread a message of love, unity and peace.




Edited to change graphic to something that doesn't use pictures without permission.
azdesertrose: (Default)
Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] neo_prodigy at Spirit Day
 


It’s been decided. On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in honor of the 6 gay boys who committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes and/or at their schools. Purple represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that’s exactly what we’d like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality. Please wear purple on October 20th. Tell your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and schools.

RIP Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh (top)
RIP Justin Aaberg, Raymond Chase (middle)
RIP Asher Brown and Billy Lucas. (bottom)

REBLOG to spread a message of love, unity and peace.




I think this is so important. These young men's lives MEANT something, damn it, and so do the lives of the young people who still struggle with homophobic bullying. So wear purple on October 20.

Edited to change graphic to something that doesn't use pictures without permission.
azdesertrose: (Default)
I started a series about a year ago on my political blog called Crazy Does Not Equal..., inspired by the following. I used to attend a DBSA (Depression-Bipolar Support Alliance) support group, and one time, we had nursing students in the group to observe. The facilitator went around the room and asked if we had anything to tell the nursing students about psychiatric nursing from a patient's point of view. I told them, "Crazy does not equal stupid. Do not treat your patients like they're idiots because they're mentally ill." The incident stayed in my mind, and when I started following the political blogosphere, I got really annoyed at how people will throw around "oh, well, s/he's crazy" to explain all sorts of asshattery. So I started blogging about it.

I've done Crazy Does Not Equal Violent, Crazy Does Not Equal Stupid, ...A Joke, and now ...Of Poor Character. I'm planning more in the series, and I'm also thinking to do an article about the families and friends of people with mental illnesses from their perspective. I've already written on how to react if someone you love tells you s/he has a mental illness.

Anyway, it just registered on me that I hadn't written anything here about the Crazy Does Not Equal series in a while or even about the blog at all.

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